Hey there,
This week, we’re talking to the men. The ones who are trying — not theatrically, not with a podcast and a ring light — but quietly. The ones who want real connection but feel like they’re always one wrong word away from disappointing someone.
We’ve written before about the emotional divide between men and women — how women are tired of carrying the entire relational syllabus, and men feel like they’re already failing a class they never got the textbook for.
So today’s tool is a bridge. Something small. Something doable. Something that doesn’t require you to transform into an “emotionally fluent king,” because honestly, no one knows what that means anyway.
Let’s get into it.
– Team Necterine
THE GAP
You’re not avoidant. You’re editing.
Here’s the thing we don’t say enough:
A lot of men aren’t withholding.
They’re just editing themselves into oblivion.
Editing what they want to say. Editing what they actually feel. Editing their reactions so they don’t come off needy, dramatic, intense, clueless, emotional, unimpressive, or whatever other crime men believe they’re one sentence away from committing.
But when you edit yourself down to the “safe” version, you disappear.
And the other person feels that absence. They assume you don’t care. Or don’t feel. Or aren’t invested. Which is wild, because internally, you’re usually spiraling.
This is the moment connection gets lost. Not because men don’t feel — but because they don’t offer anything before it’s perfected.
Let’s fix that.
THE TOOL
The First Draft Rule
A tiny experiment in saying the thing before you shrink it.
Here’s your new dating rule of thumb:
Say the first honest draft of what you mean — before you sanitize it into “I’m good.”
Not the polished version. Not the emotionally “appropriate” version. Not the version you think will get you an A+ in romantic communication. Just the first draft.
It sounds like:
“I’m interested, but I get awkward here.”
“I want to see you but my schedule is chaos this week.”
“I don’t know how to say this well, but I’m trying.”
“Something felt off to me. Can we talk about it?”
Here’s why it works:
Connection isn’t built on perfect sentences. It’s built on presence. Most women aren’t asking for emotional masterpieces — they’re asking for evidence you’re alive in the moment with them.
The First Draft Rule gives them something real to hold onto. And it gives you something rare: A chance to show up without the pressure of performing correctness.
Which part of saying the “first draft” feels hardest?
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Closeness doesn’t come from personal delivery. It comes from showing up. Period.
You don’t need to overhaul your personality. You don’t need a 12-week intimacy bootcamp. You don’t need to become the world’s softest man.
You just need to stop disappearing behind the edit.
Five percent more honest. Five percent less curated. Five percent more willing to say the thing before it’s ready.
Connection doesn’t require a new you. It requires the you who actually exists. The first draft one.
xoxo,
Team Necterine
P.S. Know someone who could use this newsletter? Forward this to them.
Dating sucks, but it doesn’t have to.
Necterine is a next-generation connection app to help you cultivate relationships.
Our mission is to redefine connection by celebrating every interaction. We provide tools and experiences that empower our users to discover themselves through the spectrum of relationships, from fleeting encounters to lifelong partnerships.
