Hey you,
Let’s be real: modern dating makes it weirdly hard to tell if we actually like someone, or if we’re just spiraling because we’re not sure if they like us. So this week, we’re cutting through the chaos with a gut-check tool that helps you figure out what’s real, what’s reactive, and what’s actually worth your energy.
You don’t need to play it cool, second-guess yourself, or chase validation just because someone sent a confusing text (or didn’t). You just need to get quiet, tune in, and check the receipts.
Let’s get into it.
– Team Necterine
P.S. New here? We love that. Make sure to download Necterine and get to know us even better.
THIS WEEK’S JUICE
Self-Talk Calibration
When you catch yourself replaying texts or spiraling after silence, run this mini-check:
Pause the panic:
Am I reacting to their distance, or just triggered by my fear of being dismissed?Check the facts:
Are they showing up in a consistent way, or am I overcompensating for their lack of effort?Get grounded:
What do I actually need to feel safe and valued right now?Reframe the story:
If I believed I was worthy of love, how would I respond?
THE TOOL
The Spiral Survival Guide
Before you send that text or overanalyze their last one, use this chart to reality-check what your nervous system is trying to say.
Try this 3-step clarity check:
If you’re feeling… | It might mean… | Try this… |
|---|---|---|
Anxious | You’re craving certainty or reassurance | Write out what you wish they’d say, and then say it to yourself. Your need is valid. |
Obsessed | You’re idealizing them too early | Pause and ask: What do I know about how they show up, not just how I feel? |
Confused | You’re unclear on what you want | List 3 emotional needs you know you want met, and 3 ways you’d recognize them being met |
Triggered | This mirrors past rejection | Take a breath. You’re not in the past—you’re allowed to ask for something different now. |
Over it | You’re tired of guessing | Text your most honest friend: “Can we unpack this for 5 minutes?,” or sjournal what you’ve tolerated from others for too long |
Now that you’ve named it, don’t ignore it.
Your job isn’t to fix the feeling, it’s to listen to it, and decide what would feel supportive right now. A breath. A text. A walk. A boundary. Choose one small move and take action to shift your energy.
What part of dating is the biggest mindf*ck for you right now?
REMINDER:
You don’t have to perform to be chosen.
You don’t have to shrink to keep the vibes going.
Clarity feels awkward at first, but it’s your key to connection.
Ask the question. Say the thing. Choose people who make the answer feel safe.
We’re rooting for you.
xoxo,
Team Necterine
Dating sucks, but it doesn’t have to.
Necterine is a next-generation connection app to help you cultivate relationships.
Our mission is to redefine connection by celebrating every interaction. We provide tools and experiences that empower our users to discover themselves through the spectrum of relationships, from fleeting encounters to lifelong partnerships.
