Hey you,
On Tuesday, we unpacked love bombing — how it builds intimacy faster than trust can grow, and leaves you confused when the attention disappears.
But what happens when it wasn’t manipulation?
What if it was just... mis-seeing?
Because the truth is, love bombing isn’t always calculated. Sometimes it’s just projection in a cuter outfit.
They saw a version of you that made sense in their head. You saw a version of them that made sense in yours. And suddenly, you’re both in something that feels like a connection… but turns out to be a shared hallucination.
Let’s get into it.
– Team Necterine
THE PRELUDE TO A (MIS)CONNECTION
When they’re actually dating your highlight reel
You meet someone great. The conversation flows. There's a pull, a glow, a vibe.
So your brain does what brains do: it starts filling in the unknowns. They’re probably emotionally available. They probably want what you want. They probably feel the same way.
But when you start assuming, you stop observing.
Projection isn’t just a coping mechanism — it’s intimacy’s biggest enemy.
Once you start relating to the version of them in your head, you stop relating to the one in front of you.
And when someone starts treating you like a fantasy version of yourself — sweet but low-maintenance, hot but undemanding, emotionally fluent but never inconvenient — it can feel like adoration. Until you need something real. And the fantasy breaks.
LOVE BOMBING V. MISALIGNED EXPECTATIONS
Fast love, faster disappointment
We’re not saying love bombing is never calculated. Some people do it on purpose.
But a lot of the time?
It’s just misalignment, moving at high speed.
They weren’t lying. They were projecting.
They wanted the story.
And you played the part — until you didn’t.
Because at some point, the fantasy can’t hold.
You say how you feel. You take up space. You become real.
And they disappear, confused — not because you changed, but because you stopped matching the version of you in their head.
STAY GROUNDED
Welcome to your Yearner Era (just don’t get delulu)
Wired declared it official: people are done playing it cool. So is the chill era really over? One thing we know for sure, the dating games are boring and exhausting.
Yearners want real connection. They say how they feel. They’re texting “I like you” after one date, writing letters, making playlists, going all in. It’s romantic. It’s bold. It’s hot.
But here’s the warning label no one’s putting on it:
Yearning can become projection if you’re not grounded in reality.
You can’t call it intimacy if you’ve never had a hard conversation.
So yes — yearn. Let yourself want. Say the thing. But check in with yourself:
Am I directing this energy at a real person or a version of them I barely know?
Have I made space for what they want — or am I just hoping they want the same?
Do I want closeness, or just to be chosen?
Yearning isn’t a problem. But romanticizing someone from the sidelines while calling it "openness"? That’s just performance with a prettier name.
Have you ever fallen for someone who wasn’t really… them?
CLARITY CHECK
Yearning v. Projecting
You’re probably projecting if:
You’re more obsessed with what could happen than what is
You keep giving them the benefit of the doubt… but your gut isn’t convinced
You feel anxious when they show up and confused when they disappear
You’re more in love with the idea than the interaction
You’re probably yearning (healthily) if:
You’re being clear about what you want and giving them space to do the same
You want closeness, not control
You’re showing up in reality — not a fantasy timeline
You’re okay if it doesn’t work, because you showed up as yourself
TINY GUIDE TO STAYING REAL
Don’t fall in love with a character you wrote in your head
Here’s the truth:
It’s not your job to be a fantasy.
It’s not your job to hold someone else’s projection.
And it’s not your job to convince anyone of your worth through their imagination.
You deserve to be chosen as you are — not as someone’s idealized version of “low maintenance,” “emotionally easy,” or “conveniently mysterious.”
Real relationships don’t require you to be perfectly packaged.
They require you to be present, honest, and willing to be known.
And anyone who ghosts when the fantasy fades?
They were never seeing you clearly in the first place.
📍LET’S PRACTICE IRL
We’ll be back at 4100 Bar tonight (!!!) with our Dating Advice Pop-Up — no swipes, no scripts, just real, human connection.
Because the antidote to projection isn’t overthinking. It’s practice, presence, and showing up as yourself, not someone else’s fantasy.
Bring your questions. Bring your crush. Bring your fear of being seen.
We’ve got you.
xoxo,
Team Necterine
Dating sucks, but it doesn’t have to.
Necterine is a next-generation connection app to help you cultivate relationships.
Our mission is to redefine connection by celebrating every interaction. We provide tools and experiences that empower our users to discover themselves through the spectrum of relationships, from fleeting encounters to lifelong partnerships.
