Hey you,
Let’s talk about the moment your body says yes but your life experience whispers, please don’t do this again.
That tiny electric hit you keep calling a “spark”?
Sometimes it’s attraction.
Sometimes it’s intuition.
And sometimes, let’s be honest, it’s your unhealed stuff clocking someone else’s unhealed stuff and going, “Hi, old friend. Want to ruin my week?”
You deserve to know the difference.
Let’s get into it.
– Team Necterine
POV
Because “how did I end up in another situationship?” is a seasonal epidemic
If you’ve ever woken up inside a situationship like you blacked out and came to eight weeks later, you already know the pattern:
You meet someone.
They’re charming, or chaotic, or emotionally bilingual in the exact dialect that bypasses your logic.
You feel a little off-balance, which you misread as connection.
And before anything real has been defined, your nervous system is writing a novella about a person who has only texted “wyd” and “lol same.”
Situationships aren’t random.
They’re what happen when chemistry becomes the criteria, not the data point.
And clarity (the boring, steady kind) feels too quiet to compete with the adrenaline of possibility.
So today’s tool helps you tell the difference before you future-trip, self-abandon, or start doing unpaid emotional labor for someone who has never once confirmed plans.
THE TOOL: THE CHEMISTRY FILTER
For when your body says yes but your life experience says… maybe don’t
A 3-part clarity check for when your body is screaming “this is it” and your brain has left the chat.
Before you decide someone is “different,” run the spark through this filter:
1. Does this feel exciting or destabilizing?
Excitement has room for breath.
Destabilization feels like checking your phone for oxygen.
If your nervous system is working overtime, the “spark” might be a wound looking for a reenactment partner.
2. Are you drawn to who they are, or who they might become with enough of your emotional labor?
Chemistry without information is fantasy fuel.
If the attraction is based on potential, not patterns, you’re building a situationship, not a relationship.
3. Is there clarity, even in the early stage?
Early clarity doesn’t mean committing on date two.
It means they communicate like a person who lives in the world and isn’t allergic to effort.
If they’re already vague, it won’t magically sharpen later.
Clarity is a green flag.
Ambiguity is an omen.
If your spark passes the filter
Beautiful. Continue.
If it doesn’t?
Congratulations! You just dodged the prequel to a situationship.
This isn’t about killing the vibe.
It’s about making sure your vibe doesn’t keep killing your standards.
What’s the thing that usually pulls you into a situationship before you realize what’s happening?
CLOSING THOUGHTS
A small reframe before you spiral
You don’t need less chemistry.
You need better chemistry — the kind that coexists with calm, clarity, and actual compatibility.
The spark is real, but so is your history. When you can tell the difference between attraction and reenactment, you stop falling for people who feel familiar and start choosing people who feel safe.
And that’s when dating actually gets good.
xoxo,
Team Necterine
P.S. Know someone who needs to run the radar? Forward this to their inbox.
Dating sucks, but it doesn’t have to.
Necterine is a next-generation connection app to help you cultivate relationships.
Our mission is to redefine connection by celebrating every interaction. We provide tools and experiences that empower our users to discover themselves through the spectrum of relationships, from fleeting encounters to lifelong partnerships.
