When most people say they have a type, they mean physical. Tall. Blonde. Jawline like a Greek god. But what if we stopped defining our type by how someone looks... and started defining it by how they make us feel?

We tend to hunt for that Insta-worthy checklist - height, style, star sign. But often, we’re replaying emotional storylines, like seeking approval from the unavailable, dating love-bombers, or saving people with “potential.” If every romance feels like Groundhog Day, it’s more than just chemistry, it’s code. And those undeclared patterns? Those might be exactly what’s keeping us stuck in the same cycle when it comes to dating and relationships.

Here’s how it might show up:
👉 You date for flash, but find the follow-through is flat.
👉 You’re stuck in a loop of love-bombing and letdowns.
👉 You keep picking “projects” instead of partners.

Sound familiar? We’re here to help.

It’s easy to say, “I’m just into what I’m into.” But when we define our type by surface traits, we limit who we allow ourselves to connect with — and often end up stuck in familiar, unfulfilling dynamics.

So, here’s a quick reframe to help shift your focus from the external to the internal. From “What do they look like?” to “How do they make me feel?”

Try using this list as a gut check. Not to shame your preferences — but to expand your definition of what’s worth wanting.

Your “type” isn’t:

Your type should be:

Here’s the thing: chemistry gets you in the door, but emotional safety keeps you there.

This checklist helps you quickly assess whether your “type” is actually working for you — or just repeating old stories. It’s about shifting from the dopamine rush of initial attraction to the deeper signals that tell you if this is someone you can actually build with.

Ask yourself these questions next time you're drawn to someone:

✅ Do they make me feel safe, not just swept off my feet?
✅ Do I feel seen, not just complimented?
✅ Are they clear, not cryptic?
✅ Do they challenge me to grow, not conform?

Even if you’re not watching this season, Love Island USA is basically a crash course in modern dating psychology — and the pitfalls of chasing a “type.”

And fans are both obsessed and also slightly fuming. Why? Because despite the good looks and steamy vibes, there’s a lack of real connection. The show has become a strategic game over a genuine search for love. Remind you of anything?

Huda & Jeremiah → Huda & Chris
Huda and Jeremiah had instant chemistry — until it blew up. They “skipped steps” and lacked real communication. The passion quickly turned toxic, triggering insecurities on both sides. Sound familiar?

Enter Chris from Casa Amor. Calm, kind, and grounded — not necessarily her traditional type. But he brought clarity, patience, and emotional safety. They’re taking things slow, building a foundation, and we’re seeing Huda soften.

Takeaway: When you ditch the drama and date for peace, something real can grow.

Pepe
He bounced from Cierra, to Hannah, with a quick physical attraction to Andreina, and landed on Gracyn because she seemed to be his only option. But unlike many Islanders, he actually checked in with his emotions. He could have stayed with Gracyn for strategy, but instead, he honored the fact that there was no real emotional depth. He said goodbye with grace.

Takeaway: Physical attraction fades. Integrity sticks around.

Amaya & Bryan
Our girl Amaya Papaya came in hot. Too much for some — until Bryan publicly defended her for being exactly who she is. Their connection wasn’t instant, but it was honest. He saw her. Not her “too much-ness.” Just her.

Takeaway: The right person won’t dim your light. They’ll amplify it.

Andreina
She entered with bombshell energy. Every guy wanted to “pull her for a chat.” But none of it stuck. Despite initial attraction, she kept getting friend-zoned. Because charisma isn’t connection — and vibes without depth fizzle fast.

Takeaway: Attention is not affection. Being wanted ≠ being seen.

Olandria & Nic
Olandria’s self-proclaimed “type” is cowboys and Southern gentlemen. Nic is a Floridian male model/nurse pretty boy. And yet? They keep finding their way back to each other. Maybe it’s friendship. Maybe it’s strategy. Maybe it’s something worth exploring outside the checklist.

Takeaway: Your type is a hypothesis. Real connection is the experiment.

Say yes to someone who isn’t your usual.
Maybe they’re a short king and you only date guys who play ball overseas... Maybe they don’t match your aesthetic… Maybe they make you feel safe. Try them on for size and let’s see how the fit check feels.

📍 In LA?
We’re back this Thursday at 4100 Bar giving out free dating advice IRL.
Got a situationship you’re stuck in? We got you.
Need help texting your crush? We got scripts.
Think you know your type? Let’s test that theory.

Word on the street is some Islanders might even bless us with a cameo… 👀

See you there,

xoxo,

Team Necterine