Hi there,
Pacing sounds like a boring word for something that’s actually really hot: self-trust. It isn’t about playing games. It’s about not abandoning yourself the second someone new makes your brain light up like a pinball machine.
You’re allowed to be excited.
And you’re allowed to take your time.
Today we’re talking about pacing — and how to hold onto yourself while getting to know someone else.
Let’s get into it.
– Team Necterine
What even is pacing?
Pacing is how you move — emotionally, physically, logistically — through something new.
It’s not about how many dates you’ve had.
It’s about how in touch you are with yourself as it’s all happening.
It’s the difference between:
Seeing someone three nights in a row because it feels easy vs. because you’re scared it’ll disappear
Saying “I miss you” because you mean it vs. because you need reassurance
Feeling electric and grounded — not electric and emotionally concussed
INTENSE ≠ INTENTIONAL
No timelines, no spreadsheets, just your nervous system
There is no “right pace.”
Just the one that doesn’t make you abandon your body, ignore your needs, or pretend you're fine when you’re already spiraling.
The goal isn’t slowness. It’s self-connection.
You get to feel good and safe at the same time.
THE TOOL
The “Do I need to chill?” self-audit
Ask yourself:
1. Body Check:
Do I feel calm and grounded?
Or is this giving cortisol cocktail?
2. Power Check:
Can I take space or say no without panic?
Or am I already performing safety I don’t feel?
3. Time Check:
Have I had a second to breathe?
Or is this a 72-hour dopamine binge?
4. Story Check:
Do I like them — or just the validation high?
How do you pace things when it starts to feel really good, really fast?
NET NET
Before you triple-text them “???”
Pause.
Breathe.
Ask: What do I want right now — for me?
Not what keeps them hooked.
Not what buys more time.
Just: What’s true for me right now?
Pacing ≠ playing hard to get
Going slow doesn’t mean you’re guarded.
It means you’re in a relationship with yourself first.
That way, when you let someone in — it’s not because you’re afraid to lose them.
It’s because you chose to.
Need support slowing it down?
If your body’s in a tailspin, you’re stuck in performance mode, or you can’t tell what’s excitement and what’s anxiety — we’ve got you.
Our coaching helps you come back to yourself, move at your pace, and stop outsourcing your worth to someone else’s interest.
Coming Thursday…
We’re unpacking what happens when pacing isn’t just fast — it’s fake.
Yep, we’re talking love bombing. And how to not fall for it this time.
Chat then.
xoxo,
Team Necterine
Dating sucks, but it doesn’t have to.
Necterine is a next-generation connection app to help you cultivate relationships.
Our mission is to redefine connection by celebrating every interaction. We provide tools and experiences that empower our users to discover themselves through the spectrum of relationships, from fleeting encounters to lifelong partnerships.
