You’re learning to stay present when things get uncomfortable. You’re unpacking your patterns, noticing your reactions, trying not to immediately spiral just because someone took six hours to text back. You’re showing up with intention, with care, with effort. You’re getting somewhere. And by God, hoping other people will too.

And then… they don’t.

They dodge accountability. Deflect when things get hard. Or make connection feel like something you have to earn by guessing the right combination of silence and “no worries if not.”

What. The actual. Fuck?

It’s disorienting. Because when you’ve been learning about yourself, your habits, your relationships, it’s easy to think (and expect) everyone else is operating with the same toolkit.

But no.

You can’t expect people to be… you. Some people are just not there. Some people don’t want to be. And yeah, some people are just… kind of a mess. Not in a quirky, loveable way. In a “you’re never going to get back the hours you spent trying to decode that one vague-ass text” way.

You can’t love someone into being emotionally available.
You can’t self-reflect on their behalf.
You can’t turn someone’s inconsistency into potential just because you really wanted this one to work.

Sometimes the kindest, clearest thing you can do is stop making excuses for people who have shown you exactly how they operate.

Let’s be clear; this doesn’t mean you’re better than them. We rebuke holier-than-thou-ness with the passion of a billion burning suns. It just means you’re paying attention.

The real point of all this self-reflection, owning your patterns, and choosing connection over control, isn’t to become an untouchable beacon of growth. It’s to get better at identifying what’s real, and walking away from what’s not. Whether it’s a partner, a friend, a coworker who thinks “emotional intelligence” is just HR buzzword bingo, your job isn’t to drag them along with you. It’s to ask, with calm clarity: does this work for me?

And if it doesn’t? You’re allowed to leave. Not dramatically. Not with a big “I’m choosing myself” monologue (unless you want to, in which case, live your truth, but be warned you’re going to get a lot of crazy looks). You can just decide that this connection doesn’t serve where you’re headed, and step out of it.

No hard feelings. But also? No more self-abandonment just to keep someone else comfortable.

Connection is a two-way street. If you’re the only one showing up with a map and a working vehicle, that’s not a partnership, it’s a detour.

So go forward. Trust what you’ve learned. Trust what you learned from them, even. Let people be where they are, and you keep going where you’re going. The right ones will meet you there.

And the rest? Fuck 'em.

Every connection starts uncertain. You don’t know what it is yet, just that there’s potential. A maybe.

How someone handles that space? It matters. Are they curious? Do they make time? Do they treat you like a person, not a placeholder?

You don’t need a five-year plan. You don’t even need a second date. But you deserve clarity. If someone shows you, early on, that they’re inconsistent or avoidant or only responsive when it’s convenient, that’s not mystery; that’s information.

And if you’re the one who isn’t looking for something serious right now? That’s fine, too. Just say it. No vague vibes. No half-promises. You don’t have to want more, but you do have to be clear about it.

Treating people with care isn’t the same as committing forever. It’s just being honest about where you’re at, so no one’s stuck hoping for something you know isn’t coming.

Connection doesn’t have to be heavy. But it should be intentional.

Just because you're holding yourself to a higher standard doesn’t mean everyone else is. And while that can be deeply annoying, it’s also clarifying. The goal isn't to control the people around you; it’s to stay connected to yourself despite them.

So if you’re out here doing the work and wondering why everyone else seems allergic to accountability, here’s your reminder: not your circus, not your emotional labor.

A fan favorite, here are a few notes for the week ahead:

We see you. You’re doing amazing, sweetie.

We’re rooting for you.

xoxo,

Team Necterine