Maureen Dowd calls it “bad romance.” Liz Plank wonders if straight people even exist anymore. Stats say fewer people are marrying, having sex, or even trying. Women are exhausted by emotional labor. Men are stuck in retreat.

When both sides disengage — women smug, men sulking — straight love starts to look less like desire and more like jury duty.

But the point isn’t to quit each other. It’s to quit the war.

Quitting the war means dropping the script where every date is a battle of “us vs. them.” It means resisting the temptation to screenshot, subtweet, or litigate your connection in the group chat instead of actually talking to the person in front of you. It means trading defensiveness for curiosity: what’s real about this person, and what’s just me repeating what the culture already told me to expect?

Connection doesn’t happen when we’re role-playing stereotypes. It happens when we risk letting each other be human first.

Swiping once felt like freedom. Now it feels like grading papers you didn’t assign. People are paying for apps that promise “vetting” or “quality connections.” But the real quality people want isn’t curated profiles. It’s honesty. Curiosity. A little bit of fucking effort.

And here’s the secret no app push notification will tell you: you can’t algorithm your way out of your own patterns.

So start small:

Breaking free doesn’t mean deleting the apps tomorrow. It means refusing to let them set the terms of how you connect.

New trend alert: couples setting up single friends at weddings. It feels retro, almost radical: real people matchmaking real people.

Why it works: context is connection. Meeting someone through a trusted friend or at a dinner table tells you more in ten minutes than a profile can in ten swipes. You see them in their ecosystem — how they treat your friends, how they handle awkward silences, whether they jump in to help when someone drops a glass.

That’s what apps can’t replicate: not just curated photos, but the living, breathing evidence of how someone moves in the world. It’s why these setups land — because trust is transferable. And because being vouched for by someone you already respect says more than a bio ever will.

And here’s your invitation: don’t wait for a wedding to be the setup. Start small. Introduce two friends who might click. Say yes when someone offers to set you up instead of brushing it off. Or, be brave enough to ask the person you’ve been chatting with at your coffee shop if they want to grab a drink sometime. Apps aren’t the only option — but real-life connection only happens if you take the risk of making a move.

We’re not here to declare men doomed or women sainted. We’re here to offer a different frame: every connection is information. Every ending is data. Every relationship — short or long, romantic or platonic — is a chance to practice honesty and emotional presence.

And soon, we’ll be offering more than a newsletter. Our new app is launching this fall. It’s designed to help you build self-awareness, spot patterns, and practice the skills that turn reflection into real-world, real-life connection.

Because the culture is noisy, the apps are broken, and most of us were never taught how to date in a way that feels good. We’re committed to building something that supports you — not by giving you a “match,” but by helping you show up as the version of yourself who can make any connection meaningful.

Dating is broken, yes. Straight love is wobbling, yes. But the point isn’t whether men and women still “believe” in each other. The point is whether you’re willing to stop hiding behind swipes, wars, and vibes — and start practicing the messy, awkward, liberating work of showing up.

Love isn’t extinct. It’s evolving. The only question is: are we?

xoxo,

Team Necterine