Hiya,
This week, we’re talking about the performance of gratitude — the kind you’ve been conditioned into, the kind that looks polite but feels like shrinking. Thanksgiving is basically the Met Gala of emotional politeness. Everyone’s wearing “I’m fine” couture.
But in dating? That same pressure to be grateful for whatever someone offers is one of the biggest reasons people stay in almost-relationships, half-effort dynamics, and connections they outgrew two emotional lifetimes ago.
And because it’s officially cuffing season, the cultural script is loud: Be grateful for someone — anyone — to get through winter with.
We’re here to say:
You don’t owe anyone a thank-you for the bare minimum.
Let’s get into it.
– Team Necterine
COURTESY CALL
The Gratitude We Perform
The holiday table teaches you early: accept what you’re given. Say thank you. Don’t be dramatic. Don’t disrupt the vibe.
So when someone in dating is inconsistent, half-present, or allergic to follow-through?
You say, “It’s fine — I’m just grateful they’re trying.”
Are they trying? Or are you narrating their effort for them like a sports commentator covering a game no one is playing?
And winter makes the delusion seasonal. According to that BBC piece, people confuse cold-weather loneliness with romance every year — as if goosebumps and proximity equal compatibility.
But here’s the Necterine POV: Gratitude that requires self-abandonment isn’t gratitude. It’s fear in a cute outfit.
FAMILIAR SCRIPT
Why We Say Yes When We Really Mean No
Thanksgiving comes with a built-in politeness hangover. You’re expected to smile through dynamics that exhaust you, assign gratitude to experiences that drain you, and convince yourself the discomfort is “just family stuff.”
So in dating, the script continues:
You accept the check-in text with no follow-through.
You accept the effort that’s always almost enough.
You accept the dynamic that feels like a group project where you’re doing all the work.
You call it being understanding. But often it’s being afraid to say, “This isn’t for me.” Cuffing season doesn’t help. Neither does Gen Z’s communication gap — hungry for clarity but terrified of being “too much.” So everyone becomes emotionally polite. And emotionally vague. The pressure to have someone can make crumbs look like a meal and mixed signals look like potential.
But here’s the truth: You don’t have to be grateful for attention if it doesn’t come with presence.
What are you DONE saying thank you for?
THE REFUSAL
“No thanks” Is a Love Language
Real gratitude isn’t polite — it’s precise.
You’re not here to thank someone for showing up halfway.
You’re not here to be grateful for attention without presence.
And you’re definitely not here to accept confusion just because it’s cold outside.
“Thanks, but no thanks” is how you clear emotional clutter and signal to yourself that you trust what you deserve.
If you want a quick holiday reset, start here:
What am I calling “gratitude” when it’s actually fear?
What would I decline if I believed better was coming?
Where am I saying thank you just to keep the peace?
That’s real gratitude — the kind that makes room for the right people, not just any people.
FINAL THOTS
The Real Holiday Gift
This season, let yourself decline what drains you.
Let yourself want more without apologizing.
Let yourself say no thanks to anyone who treats your heart like a convenience.
The best gratitude you can offer yourself this year?
Refusing to stay small just to keep the peace.
xoxo,
Team Necterine
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Dating sucks, but it doesn’t have to.
Necterine is a next-generation connection app to help you cultivate relationships.
Our mission is to redefine connection by celebrating every interaction. We provide tools and experiences that empower our users to discover themselves through the spectrum of relationships, from fleeting encounters to lifelong partnerships.
