According to Vice, the latest in dating trends is “vibe dating”— leading with energy over logistics or values. It’s not wrong to notice the signal in the room; you should. But a feeling isn’t a forecast. Familiar doesn’t equal compatible. Sometimes the rush you call “we just click” is actually adrenaline. It’s your body clocking uncertainty, inconsistency, or threat as excitement because that’s what closeness used to feel like. If chaos is what you grew up calling connection, calm will read as “meh” at first. That’s not a lack of chemistry; that’s your healing confusing stability for boredom.

Safety has a specific texture. It shows up as clarity instead of mixed signals, steadiness instead of pursuit-anxiety, curiosity instead of performance. With safety, the longer you talk, the more like yourself you feel. With spark-without-safety, the longer you talk, the more you scramble to be the version of you that “keeps it going.”

If you’ve been treating a good vibe like a green light, here’s the reframe: treat it like a clue. Ask, What did that spark actually tell me? Comfort? Familiarity? Charisma? Notice, and then test it against behavior over time.

The ick used to be a signal. Now it’s a sport. Somewhere between TikTok lists and group‑chat quality control, we turned ordinary human quirks into disqualifying events. Socks on in bed? Immediate exile. Says “doggo”? Perish. It’s funny—until it calcifies into a wall so tall nothing real can climb it.

Psychologists warn that chronic “ick-hunting” reduces people to checklists, blocks curiosity, and can make you bail before you’ve even met the real person in front of you. Translation: you’re protecting yourself from risk and also from real intimacy.

Here’s what’s actually happening: the ick often shows up when intimacy becomes possible. Your brain spots a risk (being seen, being chosen, being disappointed) and yanks the eject cord by over‑indexing on something trivial. Pre‑rejection is a great way to avoid rejection. It’s also a great way to avoid love.

Standards are hot. Perfectionism is a fortress. If your ick list keeps expanding while your capacity for closeness keeps shrinking, that’s not discernment—it’s self‑protection dressed like taste. Real intimacy requires tolerating a little human texture. (Sometimes even socks.) If you keep “icking out,” try calling it a pause instead of a pass. Give a new behavior one more data point before you decide it’s fatal. You’re not lowering your standards; you’re meeting reality with… reality.

While we debate vibes and icks, something heavier is happening elsewhere: in China, two of the country’s biggest gay dating apps—Blued and Finka—were pulled from Apple’s China App Store after an order from the Cyberspace Administration, and similarly disappeared from multiple Android stores. They still function for existing users, but the removals shrink already limited digital space for LGBTQ+ connection; officials haven’t said if this is temporary or permanent. Apple says it’s complying with local law. None of this is abstract — visibility, safety, and everyday community-building are on the line.

Our stance runs through everything we build: connection is a public good. When access narrows, by design, by policy, or by platform, people lose more than dates. They lose mirrors, language, and places to be found.

You don’t have to make every feeling a forecast. You don’t have to make every red flag a personality. You’re allowed to get closer slowly.

We see you. We’re rooting for you.

xoxo,
Team Necterine