Last week, we talked about the end of couple branding — soft launches over hard launches, fewer “boyfriend as content” posts, more privacy. That was the surface symptom. Here’s the deeper thing we’re naming this week:

It’s not only about quitting the PR role. It’s about quitting the self-erasure that came with it. For years, many of us learned (explicitly or not) that being chosen by a man (or anyone) conferred status, that our desirability verified our worth. That’s the subtext of why Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now? has taken over the internet: not because love is embarrassing, but because centering men, and measuring ourselves by who we’re dating, is.

De-centering men ≠ hating men. It means your value isn’t a reflection in his eyes. It means your life, your work, friendships, health, joy, doesn’t orbit someone else’s moods or image management. Lily Allen’s West End Girl hits so hard because it’s the arc so many of us know: contort, minimize, manage… then realize the bill always comes due. The culture’s turn isn’t anti-romance; it’s anti-disappearing. Keep the love, lose the self-abandonment. That’s the whole assignment.

New York just chose Zohran Mamdani for mayor. The first Muslim and South Asian mayor, running on boring, beautiful policy: buses you can afford, childcare that exists, rent that doesn’t eat your life. We’re not litigating parties; we’re clocking the signal: competence over swagger, receipts over slogans. Choosing a leader who hasn’t harmed women — and who funds the scaffolding that lets women live — changes what feels attractive because it changes what feels safe. Also telling: how his wife kept the spotlight off performative “First Lady” branding; no cosplay, no couple content, just doing the work. Decency isn’t dull; it’s a green flag.

PEOPLE crowning Jonathan Bailey 2025’s Sexiest Man Alive isn’t just a casting update; it’s a value statement. He’s the first openly gay pick in the franchise’s 40 years, and the rollout framed him as funny, grateful, and palpably kind, not a swagger-bot with a PR sheen. That combination (tender + competent + emotionally literate) is exactly what many daters are signaling they want more of.

Why it lands in a “de-center men” era: the archetype being retired isn’t men, it’s uselessness… the dates who won’t ask a single question, the partners who need a handler. Bailey’s win reads like quiet consensus that care, curiosity, and follow-through are hot, and you don’t have to be sexually available to straight women to model what’s attractive about modern masculinity.

De-centering isn’t about hating men; it’s about refusing to hate yourself by vanishing. The culture is inching from optics to care, from status to safety, from “be chosen” to choose well. That’s not less romantic — it’s romance with a spine.

xoxo,
Team Necterine