Hi you,
Ever been mid-date when suddenly… ugh?
The way they chew, that weird laugh, how they text “hehe.” One second it’s butterflies, the next it’s pure cringe. Congrats — you’ve met the ick.
Let’s get into it.
– Team Necterine
A BRIEF HISTORY
What is “the ick”?
Despite what Love Island made popular, the term predates reality TV. It’s been living rent-free in pop culture for decades:
1995 — Friends, “The Ick Factor.” Monica realizes she’s dating a high school student. Cringe.
1998 — Ally McBeal. Ally gets the ick when her boss asks her out. Enough said.
2004 — Sex and the City, “The Ick Factor.” Carrie can’t decide if Aleksandr Petrovsky’s piano-playing is romantic or just… repulsive.
2017 — Love Island. Olivia Attwood coins “the ick” on national TV after Sam Gowland’s sweet-but-off energy tanks her attraction.
The ick is that sudden, full-body recoil you feel when someone you’re dating does something that flips attraction into revulsion. It’s rarely logical. It’s more like your nervous system yelling nope.
Science backs it up: researchers link the ick to a protective disgust response that evolved to help humans avoid danger. When your gut flags something as “off,” your body floods with cortisol and adrenaline — the same stress chemicals that make you pull your hand back from a hot stove.
But not all icks are created equal. Sometimes they point to real red flags. Sometimes they’re about your own vulnerability, fear, or expectations.
SCIENCE V. SELF-AWARENESS
You say “ick,” we say info
Vogue recently wrote about how “the ick” became a cultural mainstay, especially online. TikTok is full of micro-icks: sipping from a straw too loudly, running for the bus, holding a fork “wrong.”
But here’s our POV: the rise of the ick says more about our collective discomfort with vulnerability than it does about dating etiquette. Instead of asking, “Does this small behavior mean they’re wrong for me?” we could be asking, “Why does this moment trigger me — and does it matter in the bigger picture?”
Sometimes the ick is about them (a lack of hygiene, disrespect, selfishness). Sometimes it’s about you (avoidance, fear of intimacy, perfectionism). The trick is learning to pause before you ghost someone for chewing too loudly.
Ask yourself:
Does this behavior reflect a values mismatch?
Or is it just hitting a nerve about my own discomfort?
If this ick vanished, would I still want to be here?
THE TOOL
A 3-step ick decoder
Next time the ick strikes, don’t panic-dump. Use this quick filter:
Step 1. Notice your body.
Are you recoiling, cringing, shutting down? That’s your nervous system talking.
Step 2. Ask: protective or preference?
Protective ick: Your gut signaling something important — dismissiveness, cruelty, lack of respect. Don’t ignore these.
Preference ick: Something that feels awkward but isn’t actually harmful. Example: they dance badly, or use too many emojis.
Step 3. Context-check.
Is this a one-off, or part of a larger pattern? Did they laugh nervously once, or do they consistently dodge accountability?
Step 4. Reframe.
If it’s protective, trust it. If it’s preference, ask yourself: Could this be endearing later? Or is it a dealbreaker for me personally?
Real examples:
They’re rude to the waiter → Protective ick, trust it.
They trip on the sidewalk → Preference ick, let it go.
They make a joke at your expense → Protective ick, major flag.
They text with way too many exclamation points → Preference ick, harmless.
This isn’t about talking yourself into a bad match — it’s about making sure you’re not letting fear or superficial judgments close the door on someone great.
What gave you the ick last time?
THE TAKEAWAY
Don’t let the ick drive the car
Icks are part biology, part culture, part self-sabotage. Sometimes they save us. Sometimes they just stop us from letting someone real in.
Your ick is a cue: either it’s telling you something important about incompatibility, or it’s revealing where you might still have space to grow.
Dating isn’t about eliminating the ick. It’s about learning whether it’s pointing you toward a boundary… or away from your own defenses.
xoxo,
Team Necterine
Dating sucks, but it doesn’t have to.
Necterine is a next-generation connection app to help you cultivate relationships.
Our mission is to redefine connection by celebrating every interaction. We provide tools and experiences that empower our users to discover themselves through the spectrum of relationships, from fleeting encounters to lifelong partnerships.
