Well hello there,
Let’s start with a quick gut-check: If we asked you your dating intention right now — as in, what you actually want from dating — would you answer in three seconds flat, or would you give me the Gen Z stare™?
At last week’s dating advice pop-up, most people hit us with that look. You know the one — equal parts deer-in-headlights and “please stop making me do emotional math in public.” Which tells us two things:
Most people have no idea how to clearly articulate their dating goals.
That lack of clarity is silently ruining their dating life.
Let’s get into it.
– Team Necterine
DON’T SET IT AND FORGET IT
Your intention is your user manual
Your dating intention isn’t just a dropdown you select for your Hinge profile of “serious relationship” vs. “seeing where it goes.” It’s the internal user manual for how you connect — your non-negotiables, your capacity, and the kind of energy you want in your life.
Without it, other people will project their version of you onto the blank space, and suddenly you’re halfway into a situationship you never signed up for.
Being clear about your intention isn’t about limiting yourself — it’s about protecting yourself and the people you meet from mismatched expectations. That’s how you avoid the slow-burn heartbreak that comes from acting casual when you’re craving commitment… or vice versa.
THE TOOL
The Dating Intention Check-In (no wrong answers, just honest ones)
Grab your phone notes or a scrap of paper and write your answers, uncensored:
What am I looking for right now?
(Hookups? A situationship? A long-term partner? Something undefined but emotionally honest?)What can I realistically give right now?
(Time, energy, emotional bandwidth — be brutal here.)What’s my absolute “no thanks” list?
(Behaviors, lifestyles, values that are an instant mismatch.)Where am I willing to compromise?
(Yes, you need at least one thing here — otherwise you’re dating a Pinterest board.)
There’s no shame in wanting something casual, committed, or anything in between — as long as you’re honest with yourself and the people you’re dating.
The Ideal Partner Audit
Now that you know your intention, it’s time to check your taste against reality. You wouldn’t let an off-brand pic wreck your feed — so why let an off-brand person wreck your love life?
Step 1 — The Wishlist:
Write down 10 traits or qualities you think you want in a partner. Go beyond looks and “makes me laugh” — we’re talking values, energy, lifestyle, emotional presence, communication style, how you feel when you’re together.
Step 2 — The Reality Check:
For each trait, ask:
Why do I want this?
Is this a true need, or just conditioning / old fantasy?
Have my last three dates had this trait? Did it matter?
Step 3 — The Edit:
Cut 2–3 things that aren’t actually serving you, and add 2–3 things you’ve been overlooking. This list should evolve with you — revisit it every few months.
Which part of my dating life needs the biggest glow-up?
THE FINE PRINT
Why we’re making you do homework
Without a dating intention, you’re swiping in the dark. Without an ideal partner audit, you’re building castles in the air. Together, these tools turn your love life from a free-for-all into a curated feed — one that actually reflects what you want now, not two years ago.
Save this somewhere you’ll actually see it before your next date. Your future self will thank you for not wasting another three months on “vibes” alone.
NEED SUPPORT?
If your love life feels like it’s running on vibes, red flags, and “we’ll see where this goes” — our coaching can help. We’ll get you clear on what you want, ruthless about what you won’t settle for, and unbothered by anyone who can’t meet you there.
xoxo,
Team Necterine
Dating sucks, but it doesn’t have to.
Necterine is a next-generation connection app to help you cultivate relationships.
Our mission is to redefine connection by celebrating every interaction. We provide tools and experiences that empower our users to discover themselves through the spectrum of relationships, from fleeting encounters to lifelong partnerships.
