Hey you,
There’s a moment in every early connection where your brain wants to speedrun the relationship. You start with “they’re cute” and land somewhere between meeting the parents and splitting a dog.
It’s not your fault — it’s biology, baby. Oxytocin is a hell of a drug. Add in some hope and a splash of scarcity and suddenly you’re deep in future-tripping territory with someone whose last name you barely know.
But here’s the truth no one tells you:
Connection isn’t built in the projection. It’s built in the pacing.
And pacing doesn’t mean playing it cool or pretending you don’t care. It means creating just enough space to check in with yourself as you get to know someone else.
Let’s get into it.
– Team Necterine
P.S. New here? We love that. Make sure to download Necterine and get to know us even better.
FOOLS RUSH IN
The art of not rushing into the wrong thing
Let’s be clear: pacing isn’t about withholding, performing, or making someone “work for it.” It’s about something quieter, and way more important. It’s about preserving your clarity.
In a culture that rewards urgency — where ghosting is normal, timelines are warped, and emotional detachment is the new sexy — pacing is radical. It says:
I don’t need to rush to know how I feel.
I trust myself enough to wait and see.
Because chemistry isn’t the same as compatibility. Intensity isn’t intimacy. And feeling a lot doesn’t mean you should act on it all at once.
Pacing doesn’t kill the spark. It lets you find out if it can actually last.
PACING ≠ PLAYING GAMES
Before you start naming your future kids…
Here’s how you can practice it without turning into a robot (and we’re not talking the sexy kind):
Take space between dates — not to create distance, but to create perspective.
Wait to define the connection until you’ve seen how they move through real life, not just a curated version.
Share what you feel when it’s real, not when you’re anxious to lock it in.
Stay rooted in your own life — your friends, your joy, your calendar. Don’t shrink it for someone new.
Let them earn access, little by little. That’s not withholding. That’s trust being built in real time.
Slow your interpretation. If they call you “wifey” on date two, great. But how do they treat your time?
Get physical at your own pace. That might mean holding hands. That might mean a full home run. Either way, it’s not about when — it’s about why. Are you doing it to connect… or to convince?
Pacing isn’t restriction. It’s discernment.
It helps you stay curious — not just about them, but about yourself. Who are you when you don’t rush? When you let the truth of the connection emerge without pushing it into a shape?
That’s the magic.
BACK TO EARTH
Use this when your imagination is doing the most
When your brain starts scripting your wedding hashtag, pause and try this instead:
What is true right now?
We’ve hung out twice. I feel good when I’m with them. They offered to walk my dog. That’s all I know.What am I imagining or assuming?
They’ll text me back fast. They’re definitely emotionally available. They’ll get me in a way no one else has.What would help me feel more grounded?
A sense of their communication style. Knowing they’re also invested. Seeing how they handle vulnerability.
This isn’t about shutting down the dream. It’s about staying awake in the present.
How do YOU know you're skipping ahead?
- I give them a nickname before I save their number
- I cancel plans to see them… before I know their last name
- I act chill but already panic-texted my group chat twice
- I initiate a second hang before the first one’s over
- I get physical to feel close... then feel confused af
- I like to take my time… unless it’s love (then I’m all gas, no brakes)
SHE’S BACK
Tiny Guide to Being a Human This Week
A fan favorite, here are a few notes for the week ahead:
You can be excited and still slow down.
You’re allowed to want more — just not all at once.
Thinking about the future is fine. Making decisions from it? Less fine.
You’re not “too much” for wanting clarity.
The right person will make it easier to stay present, not harder.
Pacing is not one-size-fits-all. It’s personal. Nuanced. Yours to define.
It’s not “if you know, you know.” It’s “if you learn, you know.”
You don’t have to date like you’re on a deadline.
There is no prize for falling fast. Only the clarity that comes from falling well.
The fantasy will wait.
Reality’s where the good stuff happens.
We’re rooting for you.
xoxo,
Team Necterine
Dating sucks, but it doesn’t have to.
Necterine is a next-generation connection app to help you cultivate relationships.
Our mission is to redefine connection by celebrating every interaction. We provide tools and experiences that empower our users to discover themselves through the spectrum of relationships, from fleeting encounters to lifelong partnerships.
