A lot of us were taught that wanting someone makes us weak.
That if we care too early, ask too much, or move too fast — we’ll lose.
So we hide the want. We perform chill. We wait to be picked.

Modern dating has mistaken desire for desperation. We’re told to keep it casual, cool, and “not too much.” We’re praised for withholding. Ghosting. Pretending we don’t care.

But wanting doesn’t make you needy.
Wanting is how we know.

Let’s undo the idea that clarity costs you connection. Let’s unlearn the chase and choose something more honest.

You don’t need to be cooler, hotter, or harder to get. You just need to be more like you. That’s your signal.

That’s the whole point.

There’s a difference between chasing and choosing:

Chasing says: “I need you to like me to feel okay.”
Choosing says: “I know what I want, and I’m open to seeing if you fit.”

When you’re grounded in your want, it’s not needy — it’s clear.
It makes space for alignment. It makes space for them to meet you.
And if they don’t? You didn’t lose. You learned.

We’re watching Lena Dunham’s latest show on Netflix, Too Much, and unsurprisingly, it isn’t your typical rom-com.

There’s no cheating scandal. No airport chase. No forbidden love across warring families. The couple likes each other right away. They vibe. They hang out. They have a lot of messy, real sex. The central conflict isn’t about getting along — it’s about getting real with each other.

The tension doesn’t come from some outside force. It comes from who they are — how their personalities, fears, and emotional habits either make them click or clash.

That’s what real love looks like today.

We’re not trying to escape a villain or fix someone broken.
We’re learning how to hold space for who we already are — and who we’re still becoming.

It’s not about finding “the one” who finally validates us. It’s not about playing games. It’s about getting real. About asking: Can I hold onto myself and still let someone in?

This isn’t a love story about winning. It’s one about being willing.

If no one ever taught you how to name what you want without feeling needy, you’re not alone. Most of us are figuring this out in real-time — unlearning old scripts, rewiring our patterns, trying to stay grounded in the midst of messy feelings.

Therapy helps.

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Your want isn’t a liability.
It’s your signal.
The right person won’t run. They’ll build with you.

Let’s retire the chase. Let’s lead with clarity.

You’re not too much. You’re just getting clearer.

xoxo,

Team Necterine