We all have one.
The person who checks the boxes. The person who looks right standing next to us.
The person who triggers our most tender (and toxic) instincts — and makes it feel like destiny.

We think if we finally win them, we’ll win the version of ourselves we haven’t been able to become yet —
the secure, chosen, worthy one.

But most of us don’t actually want our type.
We want to be chosen by them.
And there’s a difference.

Let’s call it what it is:
Your “type” is often just a character in your favorite emotional loop.

The avoidant hottie. The mysterious fixer-upper.
The chaotic creative who’s terrible at texting but always in your head.

Sometimes it’s chemistry.
Other times it’s your trauma saying:
“This feels familiar. Let’s chase it again and see if we get a different result this time.”

They might look different each time — but the role they play in your story stays the same.
And that story? Is exhausting.

We’re not saying don’t have standards.
We’re saying: don’t mistake adrenaline for alignment.

“I don’t want to settle.”
Translation: I want the fantasy, even if it never gave me what I needed.

“I can’t help who I’m attracted to.”
Translation: I confuse anxiety with desire.

"I just have high standards.”
Translation: I chase emotionally distant people to prove I’m enough.

"The good ones are boring.”
Translation: I don’t know how to be safe in a calm love yet.

The common thread?
A type is not a problem.
But if it keeps you in pain, you might want to stop calling it a preference — and start calling it a pattern.

In a recent episode of Diary of a CEO, Dr. K said something that stopped us cold:

Not because they don’t want connection — but because they never learned how to feel.
How to process pain.
How to name what’s happening inside them and share it out loud.

That soundbite you heard — “mass extinction of men who can’t feel” — wasn’t hyperbole.
It was heartbreak.

But this isn’t about blaming men.
It’s about breaking the cycle.
Because if emotional unavailability is becoming an epidemic… we need a better immune system.

We don’t think emotional unavailability is a fixed identity.
We think it’s a learned response, and with the right tools, it can be unlearned.
That’s the heart of what we’re building at Necterine: a place to practice connection, not just perform it.

We stop asking “Are they my type?”
And start asking:

Because the most underrated, most emotionally intelligent, most f*cking hot thing you can do in your dating life?

Expand your idea of who’s right for you.
Not lower your standards — raise them.
Not “settle” — shift.

Let attraction be more than aesthetic.
Let connection be more than chaos.
Let love be something that opens you — not just something that overwhelms you.

We’ll be at 4100 Bar tonight (!!!) without scripts or swipes, just real, in-person coaching on emotional skills.
Bring your practice partner or your defenses.
We’ll meet you where you’re at.

Bottom line: Emotional avoidance isn’t just a men’s problem — it’s a human one. But no one said healing had to feel impossible.

Keep going, you’re doing great sweetie.

xoxo,

Team Necterine