*Spoiler alert if you live under a rock and haven’t seen the Love Island S7 finale yet… please skip this intro!!!"*
Hey you,
Our girl Amaya Papaya just won Love Island Season 7. Not because she played the game. Not because she clung to men who didn’t choose her. But because she stayed rooted in who she was.
Self-aware. Emotionally grounded. Rejection after rejection, she stayed true to herself—and in the end, the right person saw it and chose her.
We know it’s just a dating show. But also? It’s everything we believe in.
You don’t have to perform to be loved.
You don’t have to be perfect to be chosen.
You just have to get honest. With yourself first.
Let’s get into it.
– Team Necterine
P.S. New here? We love that. Make sure to download Necterine and get to know us even better.
THIS WEEK’S JUICE
You can’t break a pattern you refuse to name
Last week, we hosted our second dating advice pop-up at 4100 in LA. And this one? Was a doozy.
In 4.5 hours, we talked to over 4 dozen people about:
3-year-long situationships held together by hot sex but lacking any real emotional reciprocity
Flingy coworkers flirting on the guise of something physical but when pressed, might actually want something deeper
Early 20-somethings trying to date with marriage-level intensity and little-to-no exclusive dating experience
People dating someone who checks every box but the superficial one they made up in their head
And one throuple navigating a cross-country move
The wildest part? Everyone thought they were talking about the other person.
But the truth kept showing up in different outfits.
You can’t ask for something you won’t even admit you want. You can’t break a pattern you refuse to name.
Most people are dating with one foot out the door—not because they don’t care, but because they’re scared:
Scared they’ll say too much
Scared it’ll end if they tell the truth
Scared they’ll lose the fantasy if they ask for facts
Also? Most of them are carrying a duffel bag of unprocessed emotional baggage: family dynamics, exes, childhood wounds, self-worth gaps. Things they’ve never unpacked because no one ever taught them how.
So let us say it now: It’s not you. It’s the fact that no one gave you the blueprint. But now? We’ve got you.
WE GOT U BABE
We’re opening up 1:1 coaching sessions.
After last week’s pop-up, it was clear: dating isn't the problem. Most people just don’t have the tools.
No one taught you how to:
Spot red flags that feel familiar
Ask for what you want without spiraling
Stay open and hold your boundaries
That’s where we come in.
Holly (aka our founder, aka your emotionally intelligent big sister/coach/hypewoman) built Necterine because she was tired of watching people abandon themselves just to feel chosen.
This isn’t advice you can Google. It’s:
Real-time perspective
Pattern interrupt
The mirror you didn’t know you needed
Spots are limited. Come get unstuck.
THE TOOL
Say the thing anyway…
Here’s your homework. Next time you feel that swirl of anxiety? Do this:
Write down what you wish they would say.
→ This helps you name the need underneath the swirl.
Example: “I really like you and I want to see where this goes.”Cross out their name. Put yours there instead.
→ This is the mindset shift.
Instead of waiting for them to say it, what would it look like if you said it first?
This builds self-trust, clarity, and emotional courage.Say it. Out loud. Text it. Voice note it. Pull them aside. Look them in the eyes.
→ Now you’ve named it and taken ownership of your need — it’s time to take the risk and express it.
Because otherwise, you’re just hoping someone will read your mind and deliver your unmet needs to you on a platter.
Because if you’re waiting for someone to read your mind, you’re not in a relationship. You’re in a fantasy.
How often do you actually say what you want in dating?
WE <3 THERAPY
When you need a SWAT team to support your dating life
That throuple we mentioned? There was a lot to unpack—
One-on-one dynamics inside the three
Fear of rocking the boat
Avoiding the actual conversations that would shift things
And on top of it? A cross-country move about to shake everything up.
So we asked the question no one had asked them yet:
“Have the three of you ever actually named what you want — separately — without filtering for each other?”
They looked like we’d just turned the lights on.
Because that’s the thing. You can love someone (or two someones). You can want it to work. But if you’re not telling the truth — to yourself, and then to them — you’re not in a relationship. You’re in a dance where half of you have two left feet.
Sometimes coaching is the move. But sometimes? You need to kick it up a notch with next-level backup.
Therapy + coaching = your own personal SWAT team. Because when things get layered and emotional and fragile and big? You don’t want to go it alone.
Weddings, vacations, and long days with loved ones can be beautiful, and tough, after a breakup or divorce. BetterHelp offers flexible support, so you can talk through what you’re feeling, wherever you are.
BetterHelp matches users with licensed therapists who can help you process what’s happening and reconnect with yourself. You can start in as little as 24 hours, and 82% of clients say they would recommend their therapist to a friend.
Take a breath, then take the first step with 25% off your first month.
Before You Go...
This Thursday, we’re talking about the real epidemic in dating: The way we’ve all been taught to play games. To wait. To be chill. To pretend we don’t care more than we do.
We’re calling BS on the whole “I’m totally chill, no worries if not” era. Because what looks like being easygoing is often just self-abandonment dressed up in lowercase letters.
We’ll show you how to unlearn that — and actually connect.
See you then.
xoxo,
Team Necterine
Dating sucks, but it doesn’t have to.
Necterine is a next-generation connection app to help you cultivate relationships.
Our mission is to redefine connection by celebrating every interaction. We provide tools and experiences that empower our users to discover themselves through the spectrum of relationships, from fleeting encounters to lifelong partnerships.
